hey, check out this new paranoia I just found

So lately I’m extremely wary of throwing away receipts of any kind in public garbage cans because what if someone finds one of my ATM receipts and somehow, you know, deflowers my credit score. I couldn’t handle that so I make sure to throw those away at work, home or some trash receptacle that [...]

hyperbole of choice

There’s this guy at work I talk to now and again, let’s call him Jake. And I noticed just the other day that Jake tends to evoke “gas chambers” quite a bit more than the average person just in normal conversation.
Take yesterday, we were discussing the lethargic pace of a particular project, blah blah [...]

2-awkward-interactions

First one happened about a week ago: Ricky and I were coming home and there was a Latino-delivery-guy waiting outside our place. He asked if we ordered food, and we were like, “No, but we’ll let you in,” he thanked us. “Must be the girls upstairs that ordered,” one of us said. [...]

subway-turnstile-fraud

Gee, Golly. What a week. First locksmith-blackmail now this. Ok. So I’m entering the C-train at Lafayette this morning, sort of in a hurry since it’s around 9:02 AM and the train has been wont to arrive between 9:04 and 9:08 most days (who’s counting?), and there’s this crowd of three [...]

handicapped-bathroom guilt

As far as I can tell, there isn’t anyone disabled that works on my office floor, yet I understand, of course, at any minute, one could pop up out of thin air. You know, POOF, “Oh, hi nice to meet you,” I would offer politely, maintaining eye contact obviously, making sure not to [...]

the second-elevator-press

Am I the only one that gets sort of insulted when you’re waiting for the elevator (having already pressed the down-button) and then someone else comes by, and even though it’s clear the button’s been pressed (it has a red tint) they still press it again! They tap it quickly as if they’re saying, [...]

my balls dreams

So this is pretty hard for me but, here goes nothing. Ok um. I’ve had two “balls dreams” in my life. Firstly, what’s a balls dream? (valid question) Well, a balls dream, as I see it, is when you’re dreaming, and you’re with someone (a female friend, your mom), someone [...]

weird-dream-problem

Lately, yeah, I’ve had this weird dream problem where – ok, I’m dreaming about something normal, walking down the street or whatnot, but as soon as my dreams start to skew off into the fantastical, for example, I’m walking down the street and suddenly encounter a giant flying yarnball asking me directions to the nearest [...]

saying hi to security guards

Ok so I’m pretty bad at a few things in this ol’ world of ours, um, and one of those things is genuinely saying hello or good-morning (whathaveyou) to the security guards that sit in the lobby of my work-building. I still do say these things usually, (hi, hello, how are you, take care, [...]

switching to the gun

So lately I’ve been contemplating “switching to the gun” to say hi to people (yeah I know, it’s a bold move). Oh for those of you who are sort of behind-the times (it’s cool, I used to be just like you), “the gun” is this really exciting new way to say hi to someone [...]