Shockers-Anonymous

So, uh. My name is Matt, I guess. And I’m a Shockers-addict. (deep breath) Wow, uh. Never in a million years did I think I could say those words, gosh. Oh for the visitors out there, a “shocker” is a nickel-sized candy, of the Sweet Tart family, but more [...]

my balls dreams

So this is pretty hard for me but, here goes nothing. Ok um. I’ve had two “balls dreams” in my life. Firstly, what’s a balls dream? (valid question) Well, a balls dream, as I see it, is when you’re dreaming, and you’re with someone (a female friend, your mom), someone [...]

weird-dream-problem

Lately, yeah, I’ve had this weird dream problem where – ok, I’m dreaming about something normal, walking down the street or whatnot, but as soon as my dreams start to skew off into the fantastical, for example, I’m walking down the street and suddenly encounter a giant flying yarnball asking me directions to the nearest [...]

no clearance in niche

So yeah I had one of those “no clearance in niche” dreams again last night where I fall into the subway tunnel for one reason or another (I dropped my ipod this time), and of course the train starts coming, I’m all frantic, trying to climb back on the platform (which is just too high [...]

the biter and the scratcher

Basically back in nursery school, I only had to worry about two things: the biter and the scratcher. It gives me chills even thinking about them. These were two kids that, for one reason or another (I blame parenting), they decided to express themselves through biting and scratching respectively, and yeah, I was [...]

happy ignorance

I was sitting waiting for some Chinese take-out the other night and the people behind the counter started conversing boisterously, presumably in Chinese, and I had this deep feeling all of a sudden: I really wished I knew what they were talking about, cause, for one, they seemed pretty entertained and, also, in my conceited [...]

hey you got something right there…

Can someone please remind me what the etiquette is when a person clearly has a piece of food on his face cause, the other day, I’m eating lunch at this soul food place with some coworkers, one guy orders corn-on-the-cob, so yeah, you can do the math. I tell the guy when I notice [...]

metrocard anxiety disorder

Ok so there was this incident a couple of weeks ago. I was going to work in the morning, about to enter the L train, at the Lorimer stop on Union Ave., where there is just one turnstile btw, and I swipe my metrocard, but I get the “Please Swipe Again” message, which is [...]

RLS

In all seriousness I may have this thing. I was watching tv and this commercial came on where this zen-like woman was like, “Are you constantly at war with your legs?” And sort of unconsciously I blurt out “Yes, yes!” And my friend next to me was startled. “Are you ok man?” [...]

do you do it??

Ok so I was talking to two people the other day and at some point one of them was like, “Yeah I pee in the shower all the time,” and I was taken aback by her tone. She was so nonchalant about it. She wasn’t embarrassed. Puzzled but oddly curious, I turn [...]