the biter and the scratcher

Basically back in nursery school, I only had to worry about two things: the biter and the scratcher. It gives me chills even thinking about them. These were two kids that, for one reason or another (I blame parenting), they decided to express themselves through biting and scratching respectively, and yeah, I was really scared of them. childsmonetpainting_tcm4-118616.jpgLike, really scared, to the point of, well let’s just say even if one of them was using a crayon I desperately needed to finish the tops of my trees or whatever, I would have been like, “Forget it,” which was pretty huge for me cause I took my landscapes really seriously back then (still do).

Both kids mostly kept to themselves unless you invaded their dens and BAM, they sprang, with ill consequence. One kid Matt Yerman (who oddly enough used to vomit once every year in class all over everything) got entangled with the biter and was left with a gash across his forehead the size of a thermos, his parents picked him up, he needed four stitches, and he missed snack! Part of me always wanted to see the scratcher go up against the biter (sort of like Godzilla versus MechaGodzilla) but no such fireworks occurred.

The scratcher eventually moved away but the biter stayed around and we ended up becoming quasi-friendly in high school. Yeah, we had choir class together. Needless to say, he kicked his habit, but of course I couldn’t resist, one day I half-brought-it-up, “Do you remember in nursery school sometimes maybe biting people or whatever?” And he was totally shocked, he had no memory of being called the biter and, in fact, he doubted he’d ever been able to bite anyone. I assured him, “Oh you bit people. You bit them big time.” And he got sort of mad that I kept pushing it, and then he got real quiet. I can only imagine what was flashing through his head, fragments of memories of tearing young flesh I suppose, carnage he’d neatly tucked away in his psyche until I reawakened him to what he really was: a beast. He committed suicide three days later. No I’m kidding, but he did quit choir, which was sort of a shame, cause he had a really great falsetto.


1 Comment

Filed under anecdotes, tall-tale-ish musings

One response to “the biter and the scratcher

  1. Pingback: the bump « heymattkirsch

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