Monthly Archives: May 2007

where’d you get your t-shirt…

So I’m not sure what it is but I’ve never had that tendency (that a lot of people I know have) to collect cool t-shirts that have “meaning,” you know, that are from all sorts of “places,” that are super-authentic, blah blah blah, the whole deal.

I mean, obviously I have lots of t-shirts (obviously!), I wear them all the time – but most of them are sort of generic and blah, and I can’t tell you how many times someone’s asked me, “Oh wow, I like your shirt, where’d you get it?” and then I’m like, “Uh…” I flounder around for a bit, then hesitantly offer, “Old Navy?”non-kiss-t-shirt-gross.jpg

What gets me is that it seems so easy for others – like all you have to do is live a great full life (which I think I half-do now and again) and by virtue of this full life, the cool t-shirt collection will just form around you: “Oh yeah I got this at Niagara Falls, um, the day before I broke my leg in five places actually,” or “I found this in some tiny thrift store in Beacon, NY under like a million LIFE magazines, and it just sort of spoke to me…” and you can continue the train of thought if you’d like…

Argh. Maybe it’s clear that my problem’s not only about t-shirts – that even though I feel like I do a lot of things, am enjoying my life-journey, whathaveyou, I don’t have a whole lot to show for it in terms of “things,” – I don’t have the archivist instinct – rarely buy souvenirs, take pictures, scour thrift-shops for memorables, etc.

Yet, if a whole bunch of old-ratty t-shirts stained with this and that tucked into the dark corners of your dresser help dredge up some old-ratty memories in the dark recesses of your brain, stained with “oh wows” and “I shouldn’t have done that’s” – then, the whole practice might be sort of worthwhile? Or, I could just continue being really cheap and steal authentic tees from my b-friend? Wow. Wow.

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Famous Monkey Wednesday #2

art_monkey.jpgThis week’s Famous Monkey is: Albert!

Why is this monkey famous?: On June 11, 1948, Albert, a rhesus monkey, rode to over 39 miles into the atmosphere on a V2 rocket. He was the first monkey-astronaut.

Where is this monkey now?: Dead! Alberts 1-4 were sent high up into the atmosphere to see how they might withstand space conditions. All survived the trip up, but none survived the trip downward. Albert 1 died of suffocation during the V2 rocket flight. We killed him.

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gay/bankuptcy

So I guess I had a pretty terrible thought just now in the shower, but I figured I’d tell you about it, like, get it out there rather than let it sit on my psyche for years to come, you know. Nah, it’s not that bad but here goes:

Well I was thinking about one of my ex-girlfriends in particular, the one I think I hurt the most, about what she must think of me, what her friends must think of me, whether she’s heard that I’ve gone gay (who hasn’t?), blah blah blah.

And then it hit me that, in a way, coming out of the closet is similar to declaring bankruptcy – all slates are wiped clean, all the emotional debts you’ve accrued because of youthful foolishness and/or “not knowing any better” are written off suppposedly at the snap of a finger, or the stroke of a pen (even though my official “I’m gay” papers haven’t arrived yet in the mail, shoot, I should check on that).

But obviously I don’t think it’s as easy as that – when you’re in a large amount of debt, you’re digging a hole that keeps getting deeper and deeper, declaring bankruptcy doesn’t magically transport you out of that hole – basically you’re just admitting, “Ok, I’m in a hole,” then beginning to find the means to climb your way out of it.

So um, in the shower I guess, I realized I’m still in a hole with a bunch of people, (not that they’re holding their breath, waiting by the phone or whatnot) but, I think it’s important for me at least to realize that the excuse, “Oh I wasn’t really conscious back then,” doesn’t really fly.

Anyhoo, Saturdays, huh?

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serious poll

Ok, on a scale of 1-10, how uncomfortable do you feel when taking a poo next to someone else in an adjacent stall? I’m really curious seriously, a lot depends on this.128499.jpg

(As for me, honestly, I have to say I’m probably a 9 or even a 10, yeah, which is pretty embarrassing. You might think at my mature age I should be totally fine with making rancid noises and/or hearing someone next to me make rancid noises, but alas, no, I find the whole operation pretty weird, borderline-dehumanizing, despite the near-assurance of anonymity…)

What about you??

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Famous Monkey Wednesday #1

Ok, yeah, so I got bored of Vice Presidents, I’m sorry. Didn’t you though too? I think I found the good ones, if not, someone else will I’m sure. But this is something brand new, a brand new act, so to speak (it was Ricky’s idea, some of you might have surmised).

dunston_checks_in.jpgThis week’s Famous Monkey is: Sam!

Why is this monkey famous?: Sam, an orangutan, starred in “Dunston Checks In,” a popular children’s comedy from 1996. Sam as “Dunston” was trained to be a jewel thief by his owner, Rupert Everett, who brings him to a five-star hotel, havoc ensues and, um, I don’t want to give it away, but deep down Dunston wants to go legit, ok I’ll stop. Rent it!!

Where is this monkey now?: In 2004, Sammy and Geri (the monkey he had another monkey with) found their way to the Center for Great Apes in Wauchula, Flordia, where they live in a domed habitat with lots of fun things to do, according to the website: “Sammy enjoys enrichment activities – especially painting.” What a monkey!

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that-guilty-feeling

Sort of along the lines of this post, whenever I pass a policeperson on the subway platform, or on the street, whathaveyou, I always get that-guilty-feeling, you know, like they’re gonna see right through me for who I really am: some kind of malicious, scheming character that’s trying to get away with something, even though, honestly, if there’s one person in the world who’s life is an open-book, I mean, I’d probably be his/her alternate, you know, so I think that makes me pretty darn open, doesn’t it?cop.jpe

But, yeah, for some reason, I get really self-conscious when passing authority-figures (the same thing happened in High school around the Assistant Principle or whatever), I get all locked-up, nervous, and then feel this need to over-compensate my walking-style or my ‘being-style’ in general so that I appear even that much more relaxed and nonchalant, does this happen to you too? Like I put my hands in my pockets, nod my head up and down like I know what the story is, and sometimes I even yawn when passing a cop, like I’m just so relaxed and innocent that I’m practically falling asleep, but um, well, yeah, obviously this over-compensation makes me look even more guilty. What’s that line fron “Usual Suspects,” the best way to catch a murderer is put a bunch of people in lock-up overnight and the one who’s asleep by the end of the night is your guy, “he knows he’s caught, he can let his guard down.” Maybe policepeople are expecting a certain degree of nervousness and anything different (incessant yawning for example) sets off alarm bells? Something to think about for sure. Enjoy your Sundays.

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Vice-President Wednesday #12

quayle.jpgThis week’s Vice-President is: Dan Quayle!
Born: February 4, 1947
Vice-President #: 44
Under: George H. W. Bush
Dates: January 20, 1989 – January 20, 1993
Party: Republican
Fun Facts: In 1980, Quayle, at age 33, became the youngest person from Indiana ever elected to the US Senate, and in 1986, he was re-elected with the largest margin to date of any candidate in a state-wide Indiana election.

As Vice-President, as opposed to his successors Gore and Cheney, Quayle had a somewhat limited policy-making role: he led the newly created National Space Council, for example (even though his friends warned him of the dangers of being known as “Mr. Space”), and Bush appointed him head of the newly-formed, Council on Competitiveness in 1989, charged to maintain America’s competitive edge in international commerce. Still, the biography on his website states: “Dan Quayle is widely considered to have been one of the most active Vice Presidents in history,” so you can be the judge.

Quayle is the only Vice-President (who did not also become President) that has his own museum, The Dan Quayle Center and Museum in Huntington, Indiana, which not only details Quayle’s vice-presidency, but includes information about all Vice-Presidents (field trip?).

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