Oh, you know, if I was a superhero, I’d be The Hypochondriac, sporting a flashy-teal hospital gown and a bright white wristband that has all my information on it, all the while effortlessly rolling around that intravenous drip cart everywhere I go. My power would be, get this, just by hearing or reading about a particular ailment, condition, circulatory-system defect, whathaveyou, I’d magically take on this sickness as if it were my very own! Oh really, a new study shows that testicular cancer most commonly affects men 25 and under huh? You know now that you mention it my left testicle has been shrinking slightly for the past minute and my right one does have this teeny bump on its side that definitely wasn’t there before you told me all about that age 25 stuff. Whoops, did I just accidentally google-image-search the rare kidney disorder known as Bartter’s Syndrome? Gosh those pictures look nasty but, ouch, I feel a slight pain in my lower back out of the blue coupled with a sudden decrease of electrolytes in my blood in 40% of cases. Whoa, it feels really weird to lose all those electrolytes at once. Think of all the good I’ll do as The Hypochondriac, coming down with that Hemorrhagic Fever everyone thought had been wiped out in the 1890’s, so you don’t have to. I’ll do all that I can, selflessly, if you’ll just get me a glass of water cause I can’t stand sweetheart, for as long as I’m able, which probably won’t be that long given my family’s history of death.