hey, check out this new paranoia I just found

So lately I’m extremely wary of throwing away receipts of any kind in public garbage cans because what if someone finds one of my ATM receipts and somehow, you know, deflowers my credit score. I couldn’t handle that so I make sure to throw those away at work, home or some trash receptacle that I can fully trust. Hey, is that too much to ask, a little peace of mind when I throw away my garbage, without having to look over my shoulder every five seconds to make sure no ones mussing about in there, examining my wrappers. In fact, if that low-fat lemon yogurt container I just threw out never gets looked at by another set of human eyes, I’ll die a happy man. Cause, you know what they do in there, those trash-people, don’t you? I used to think they were looking for spare food too but boy was I wrong. No they’re looking for information. That’s right. They’re scraping for DNA, collecting identities to do who knows what with them, sell em on ebay, on the auction block, for crying out loud. Who’re the slaves now? Hey, stop looking at my wrappers! What’s the big idea?



Filed under crazy world, office

3 responses to “hey, check out this new paranoia I just found

  1. I also worry about receipts. I usually stuff them in my pockets, forget about them, do laundry and find them as unreadable clumps of fresh smelling paper.

  2. I try to mix them up with other pieces of nasty trash…like stinky old bananas or some expired spam (it was like 30 years old). That way if the would be ID-bandits decide to go for it, I can at least take some pleasure by envisioning all their facial contortions…the kind that only comes from working your way to the bottom of a container full of rotten cottage cheese, with one hand on the soggy receipt and the other holding their nose… ha ha! Hope it was worth it you trash-digging, ID-snatchin’ bastards!

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