Sort of along the lines of this post, whenever I pass a policeperson on the subway platform, or on the street, whathaveyou, I always get that-guilty-feeling, you know, like they’re gonna see right through me for who I really am: some kind of malicious, scheming character that’s trying to get away with something, even though, honestly, if there’s one person in the world who’s life is an open-book, I mean, I’d probably be his/her alternate, you know, so I think that makes me pretty darn open, doesn’t it?
But, yeah, for some reason, I get really self-conscious when passing authority-figures (the same thing happened in High school around the Assistant Principle or whatever), I get all locked-up, nervous, and then feel this need to over-compensate my walking-style or my ‘being-style’ in general so that I appear even that much more relaxed and nonchalant, does this happen to you too? Like I put my hands in my pockets, nod my head up and down like I know what the story is, and sometimes I even yawn when passing a cop, like I’m just so relaxed and innocent that I’m practically falling asleep, but um, well, yeah, obviously this over-compensation makes me look even more guilty. What’s that line fron “Usual Suspects,” the best way to catch a murderer is put a bunch of people in lock-up overnight and the one who’s asleep by the end of the night is your guy, “he knows he’s caught, he can let his guard down.” Maybe policepeople are expecting a certain degree of nervousness and anything different (incessant yawning for example) sets off alarm bells? Something to think about for sure. Enjoy your Sundays.
Ok so I’m pretty bad at a few things in this ol’ world of ours, um, and one of those things is genuinely saying hello or good-morning (whathaveyou) to the security guards that sit in the lobby of my work-building. I still do say these things usually, (hi, hello, how are you, take care, good night, have a good one, etc) but when I say these things, they, it all just comes out wrong, you know, and I can tell they can tell I’m not really into the whole thing. Bottom line: I get a skeptical face, I think.
But the reason I bring this up: ok, so today I return from lunch, there’s a long line of swipers getting back to the office, and as the guy in front of me swipes his card at the security gate, he has this whole rapport with the security guard.: “1975 Pontiac Thunderbird. Red or Black?” he asks gruffly, and the guard thinks for a second, then blurts out, “Both!” they both laugh heartily, and I’m thinking, “Wow they really have a relationship, I’m so jealous,” blah blah blah. But then after we pass the guard I hear some other guy asking the Thunderbird guy, “What was that about?” and the Thunderbird guy’s like: “Oh it’s just this thing we do together.”
You see what I mean sort of: it’s a “thing” they do, it’s kind of fake, I mean, basically I think I’m just not really into doing “things” with people. I like having genuine conversations when I can (what does that mean?), but routines for the sake of routines I’m not good at: my poker face when it comes to these sorts of quasi-stranger interactions is pretty poor, I won’t lie. But I’m working on it. Who can resist saying ‘mornin to Big Sal anyway? (pictured below)